Asoue en Ebonics : à découvrir !

Le Docteur Markson fut, dès son plus jeune âge, un traducteur dans l'âme : les membres de ce forum le connaissent surtout pour sa traduction en français des œuvres de Rose-Marie Vassalo. Après plusieurs tentatives infructueuses de traduire en français les œuvres du Compt Olaf, devant lesquelles il a reconnu son incompétence (   ), le Docteur est fier de vous présenter une nouvelle traduction d'Asoue en parler gangsta-rap afro-américain, ou, pour reprendre l'appelation officielle, "ebonics."

C'est censé se lire avec l'accent de J Zay, à la rigueur de Black Eyed Peas. Bonne lecture, le texte prend une saveur incroyablement nouvelle !

Yo If you be interested in stories wif happy endings, you would be bettah off reading some other book. In dis here book, not only iz dere nahh happy ending, dere iz nahh happy beginning an' very few happy things in da middle. dis here iz cuz not very many happy things happened in da lives o' da three Baudelaire youngsters. Violet, Klaus, an' Sunny Baudelaire wuz intelligent chil'ns, an' dey wuz charming, an' resourceful, an' had pleasant facial features, but dey wuz extremely unlucky, an' most everything dat happened ta dem wuz rife wif misfortune, misery, an' shittiness. ah'm sorry ta tell you dis here, but dat iz how da story goes , wOrd!

Yo, 'cause they shittiness began one day down at Briny Beach. da three Baudelaire chil'ns lived wif they oldies in an enormous mansion at da heart o' uh crappy an' busy-ass city, an' occasionally they parents gave dem permission ta take uh rickety trolley-da werd "rickety," you prob'ly know, there be meanin' "unsteady" or "likely ta be fuck'd up beyond unny reco'nition"-alone ta da beach-yo, where dey would spend da day as uh sort o' vacation as long as dey wuz home fo' binging. dis here particular morning it wuz gray an' cloudy, which didn't bother da Baudelaire youngsters one bit. When it wuz hot an' sunny, Briny Beach wuz crowded wif tourists an' it wuz impossible ta find uh pimp-tight place ta lay yer blanket. On gray an' cloudy days, da Baudelaire pimps had da beach ta themselves ta do how dey liked slap mah fro!

Violet Baudelaire, da eldest, liked ta skip roxors. Like most fourteen-year-kiddies, she wuz right-handed, so da roxors skipped farther across da murky water when Violet used her right hand than when she used her left, yo. As the biatch skipped roxors, she wuz looking out at da horizon an' thinkin` 'boutan invention she wanted ta build. Anyone who knew the bitch well could tell she wuz thinkin` hard, cuz her long fro wuz tied up in uh ribbon ta keep it out o' her peeps. Violet had uh real knack fo' inventing an' building strange devices, so her brain wuz often filled wif images o' pulleys, levers, an' gears, an' she never wanted ta be distracted by somethin` as "ain't nobody got time for that" as her fro. dis here morning she wuz thinkin` 'bouthow ta construct uh gear dat could retrieve uh rock afta you had skipped it into da ocean all ye damn hood ratz..

Klaus Baudelaire, da middle child, an' da only dick 'round there, he liked ta examine creatures in tidepools, yo. Klaus wuz uh little older than twelve an' wore glasses, which made him peep brainy. He wuz brainy. da Baudelaire parents had an big-ass libary in they pimped-up palace, uh room filled wif thousands o' books on nearly every notion. Being only twelve fuckin' years old, Klaus o' course had not read all o' da books in da Baudelaire libary, but he had read uh great many o' dem an' had retained uh lot o' da 411 from his readings. He knew how ta tell an alligator from uh crocodile. He knew who ganked Julius Caesar. an' he knew much 'boutthe tiny, slimy beasties found at Briny Beach, which he wuz examining now, better recognize

Sunny Baudelaire, da youngest bitch 'round here, she liked ta bite things. She wuz an inf'nt, an' very small fo' her age, scarcely larger than mah boot up yer arse, yo. What she  be lacking in size, however, she be makin' up fo' wif da size an' sharpness o' her four fangers. Sunny wuz at an age where ye mostly speak in uh series o' "slap-me-bitch" shrieks. Except when she used da few actual werdz in her burn-list, like "bottle," "mommers," an' "bite ye motherfukers," most niggas had no fuckin' understanding what it wuz dat Sunny wuz sayin`. fo' instance, dis here morning she wuz sayin` "Gack!" ova an' ova, which prob'ly meant, "peep at dat weird-ass figure emerging from da tube!" Peep this shit !

datz da shit yo!